That is all.

Howdy Doody.

Hello, and my welcome to my inaugural post on this
wonderful...thingamyjig. Thanks to Ren for inviting me to contribute. I
hope I can provide some entertaining diversions for you all. When I was
thinking of what to write about, I asked myself: What are my passions?
Fine art? No. Opera? No. Crappy video games that no-one else wants to
play and that have been lost to the sands of time? Yes! And so, without
further ado, I present to you:

Obscure Video Games #1: 'Time Commando'.





I picked up Time Commando for about 5 pounds for my first PC around 2000/2001.
At the time, I didn't have an internet connection, so any time spent on
my computer was spent playing games, and I spent a LOT of time on it.
Hence, my video-game playing habits were hard to satisfy and I searched
far and wide for games to feed my addiction. 'Time Commando' was
developed by the French group Adeline Software, who you may recognise as
the creators of the wonderfully innovative and intriguing adventure game
'Little Big Adventure'. I had played and finished this game on
Playstation previously to playing Time Commando, but was unaware of the
connection when I stumbled across our current subject.

Let me introduce you to the story of 'Time Commando', as I remember it
today, not having played the game in many years. First of all; a guy
creates a time machine. Clearly, this means that this fellow is among the
greatest minds that have ever graced our planet. But, alas, he is also a
murdering psychopath. What would be the most noble use of a time machine?
Righting the wrongs of history? Saving the Earth from its inescapable
annihilation owing to humankinds rampant abuse and ignorance? No,
apparently, it is to travel back to the various epochs of human
civilisation and blow shit up. No, I'm not being facetious, the object of
this game is to travel through time, to the Stone Age, The Roman Empire,
The Middle Ages, The Wild West, The Present Day, The Future, and destroy
everything in sight. Unfortunately, now that I do some research on the
game, it turns out there is in fact some paper-thin plot involving the
MILITARY and an EVIL CORPORATION who create a virus that threatens to
"swallow the world", according to wikipedia, and not simply a homicidal
maniac who enjoys time-travel and murder on a never-before witnessed
scale. Ah well, let's pretend my version of things is true.

Our hero is 'Stanley Opar', a character so lacking in personality that he
can only be described as 1/4 dimensional. Stanley Opar is basically skin
and bones in a yellow spandex jumpsuit. As far as I remember he never
utters a word throughout the game, just goes on his merry way, killing
here, maiming there, and generally causing untold amounts of mayhem and
bodily harm. Nice guy, eh?

Now, just to clarify; I may sound dreadfully condescending and cynical
about the whole thing, BUT: the reason I write about this game today is
that it is fucking great fun to play. 'Time Commando' excels in the sheer
amount of cool shit you get to do throughout the game. Fight Sumo
wrestlers in Feudal-era Japan? Check. Throw rocks at cavemen? Check. Take
out annoying roller-skaters with grenades? Check. Fight Nazis? Check. (Ok, pretty much every shooter ever made lets you do this, but who doesn't
enjoy blowing up Nazis now and again?) Ok, I just checked the wikipedia
page and apparently, the last boss of the game is a FUCKING SHARK WITH
ROBOTIC LEGS IN A SPACEMAN'S HELMET TO KEEP IT HYDRATED.
I'm guessing the reason I don't remember this is because my mind was blown by the
unadultarated awesomeness of this idea. A robotic shark in a space suit?
I'm pretty sure humankind can rest easy now that we have reached pure
perfection. No words of mine can do justice to the insanity of whoever
came up with that idea. Adeline Software: I salute you.

In summing up, I would like to quote a random review I found on the web:
"Try this and become a Time Commando under your Wondows."

Yes. Yes, indeed.



Screenshots:

(Stanley decides to fuck up a Sumo Wrestler's shit, not realising that huge-ass swords aren't really considered appropriate in Sumo wrestling)


(Stanley attempts to recreate the opening of '2001: A Space Odyssey' with some cavemen)

(Stanley prepares to be blown away by some badly-animated Nazis, cursing the programmers who were only able to animate him aiming in one direction)

The Wine Kone's back

After nearly two months of absence, Tony makes an astonishing return with his new video, sombrely entitled:

"100 things to do before I die"

.



Well, as regards the awsomeness of the thing, I'm only guessing. I haven't seen it yet. Hopefully it's better than the previous one anyway. This guy's really talented, he should keep on contributing to the YouTube community. But anyhow.. let's watch this, shaaaaaaaall we? :o)

Boudins Masqués

Attention, contenu polémique. X est une personne bien réelle, mais a souhaité rester anonyme.

Au cours d'une discussion récente centrée sur "le regard de la société", X a avancé un point probablement peu abordé jusqu'ici - et pour cause: l'augmentation visible, dit-il, des femmes voilées en France découle en partie d'une démarche volontaire de la part de personnes au physique particulièrement ingrat. Une sorte d'échappatoire, affirme-t-il.

Aussi folle cette déclaration puisse-t-elle paraître, elle se fonde sur une logique bien précise. X établit un parallèle avec internet, où les gens complexés, souvent par leur physique, se retrouvent à l'abri dans un monde où tout le monde est mis sur un pied d'égalité via le système des pseudonymes. Alors oui, on pourra clairement contrer en soulignant que la vraie vie c'est complètement différent, et que les femmes voilées ne sont aucunement moins montrées du doigt que les moches; sans doute plus. Faux échappatoire donc. Raisonnement pervers. Pourtant X insiste, il a recueilli des dizaines de témoignages de femmes sur des sites de rencontres, probablement laides donc, ayant fait référence au port du voile comme possible solution à leurs problèmes. Véridique? Finalement, cela revient à dire que l'inexistence est préférable à une existence parfois douloureuse. Douteux, mais pas à rejeter d'entrée de jeu.

Qu'en pensez-vous? Trouvez-vous, déjà, que le voile se multiplie à l'heure actuelle? Pas moi. Ceci dit, ma vision peut être erronée dans la mesure où je vis dans un pays où l'on trouve très peu de musulmans. Bref, feel free to react.

Barack Obama, antichrist superstar

Ok, slightly more serious stuff here. As you all well know, Senator Barack Obama from Illinois is running for President of the United States of America - and, as it happens, is known to be a pretty popular fellow. Unfortunately but predictably enough, his said popularity has lately been the target of not-so-innocent fits of railing, the most well-known to this day being the following YouTube video:



"Barack Obama may be the one, but is he ready to lead?"

After a one-minute colorful display of messiah-like features, the troubling question is asked - and obviously implies: can such a charisma be of an evil sort? A harbinger of chaos behind hollow promises? In other words, the Antichrist? Even more troubling, the video was posted through John McCain's campaign YouTube channel. Surely not disastrous but not completely harmless either, can the deed be viewed as yet another serious pitfall in Obama's grand enterprise? Will the evangelists eventually let themselves be won over by McCain, who's been finding the task quite tough until now? Would this even make a difference? Is McCain the actual dark messiah of opportunism? Let me know what you think of all this disturbing issue, in whichever language :-)

Also, make sure to check: http://www.barackobamaantichrist.blogspot.com/ (apparently, the blog is making tens of thousands of visits everyday. Shady business' going on..)

Le marseillais

Pour mon premier post, j'aimerais considérer une particularité de la langue française, ou plutôt une excroissance, une déformation : le parler marseillais. Il est aisé de récolter sur des sites les expressions que les parisiens ont retenu des spectacles de Bosso ou d'autres plastrasses. Mais ici, il ne s'agit nullement de revenir sur ce qui est déjà écrit mais de commenter le riche et somptueux vocabulaire des jeunes des cités.
A cette fin, j'ai personnellement eu l'opportunité de rencontrer un dictionnaire ambulant dont je vais sans plus tarder vous livrer le florilège, la quintessence, de son contenu.

Lorsqu'on croise une fille, vulgaire en général, il faut dire : "Elle, elle est dangereuse".
Lorsqu'on est en voiture et qu'on croise une jolie fille, on a le choix :
-"Celle là, on l'écrase, elle tombe par terre, on la viole et c'est bon, héhéhé (rire d'alcoolique)"
-"Celle là, juste pour le sexe je la prend avec sa bouche de suceuses"
Lorsqu'on croise une fille, en toute situation : " Les femmes elles ont toutes des gros bras, c'est à force de branler les mecs"
Et puis on peut aussi avoir des conversations philosophiques : " Moi ce que j'aime chez Clara Morgane c'est tous ses petits bruits. Trop strange (prononcer str - ange ) "
La philosophie c'est bien, mais la médecine c'est mieux :
-"C'est bien connu, il faut jamais se raser après manger"
-"Moi je suis jamais malade. Et quand je suis malade (!), c'est jamais une infection."
-"En hiver, quand les collègues ils sont malades et qu'ils me disent "me fais pas la bise je suis malade", moi j'y vais quand même. Sans pitié."
Un bon marseillais, c'est aussi une personne qui a une mémoire géographique, et démographique. "Regarde à ce balcon là il y a une blonde qui y habite, je te promet elle trop dangereuse." Il regarde au balcon pour vérifier si elle y est."Ah non. Salopeee"

Ce qu'il faut retenir, en définitive, c'est qu'une révolution verbale est sur le point d'éclater, et qu'il ne faudra pas être surpris si S. Royal venait à dire du président " N. S c'est un enculé de sa race maudite" ou que ce président dise à son auditoire "Ce soir, à C., je lui fais le cul".

Note

Il s'agit bien d'un blog bilingue. Il n'y aura pas de petits drapeaux à sélectionner en haut à droite, mais je suis sûr que tout se passera bien..

Tiens, en parlant de 'haut à droite': si la partie "Info" est vide, c'est parce que je n'ai pas encore compris comme insérer du texte dedans. This is the law.

Gr7

What is the meaning of this shady substantive? No clue? The brilliant website Urban Dictionary unveils the mystery:

A little less than gr8 (great) but still better than just good
said grr-sev-en

A:how are you?

B: gr7 you?

A: Just good.

Haha, needless to say that this sounds nerdy alright. But I "<3"> for sure.

TSP's debut

Okay, so that's basically my first intervention here. Alas, I don't have much to say; in fact, I see this more as a pseudo-test than anything else so.. if I happen to leave a random picture at the end of this message, don't be surprised. Oh, and I might well be talking to myself. Jeez, I almost forgot.

As its remarkably sweet name suggests, this blog is intended to be only sporadically serious - as opposed to the other one, drippingtrees (see the link in the 'Links' tab) which I haven't updated in a while. Too stern, perhapst. So TSP is going to deal mostly with random things and thoughts, likely to revolve around movies, music, books, politics, and other various aspects of an everyday routine. Also, I won't feel compelled in any sense - which bloody rocks if you ask me. I definitely need a break from "the letters". So meanwhile I'll stick to my modest dreams.. and idle in peace.
See you round folks!

Edit: Now I think about it, this could be used for.. 'community' purposes. We'll see to that. In any case the blog will be bilingual.